Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Are you tired of the mud slinging TV commercials where candidates focus on the shortcomings of their opponents, rather than the real issues at hand? Well, allow me to introduce Mr. Basil Marceaux. He's a (less than) average Joe who is running for governor of Tennessee and he has real issues. I mean real issues.
Mr. Marceaux's platform consists of passing legislation to "See why dental is not in most plans a tooth aches hurt more than a back aches and no teeths depresses people." Candidate Marceaux also expresses a passion for changing the state flag and abolishing traffic stops. In addition to legislation, Mr. Marceaux would also like to pass the eighth grade.
Like any political candidate, Basil Marceaux is not without critics. However, I'm sure he would like to remind everyone that he was found not guilty (by reason of insanity) on several of his past charges.
After watching the clip I'm not sure what is sadder, Mr. Marceaux's credentials, or the fact that part of his platform speech was over my head.
I will close with a quote from gubernatorial candidate, Mr. Basil Marceaux. God help us.
"I want you all to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the republicdom in the morning when you come out and we all pray to God and say, Amen. And everyone have a nice day. And I'll see you at the polls. Thank you. Have a nice day."
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
I began running down my list of chores for the day and struggled to think of some way to entertain the boy without melting him. That’s when it occurred to me that it was too hot to do anything, really. Going swimming was out. The water would feel like a warm bathtub, at best. Going to the park was out. It was too hot to go to the zoo, or for a walk. So, we settled for watching cartoons and playing with his trains indoors. It made for a day filled with less action than usual, but we made it.
In my heat exhausting boredom I came up with a list of things that it is too hot to do. In addition to the above, it is also too hot to
· Skinny dip
· Turn on the dryer
· Have sex (Now I’m just taking advantage of the heat, but he’ll never know)
· Come up with a decent blog entry
Forgive me, but I don’t function well in extreme hot or cold temperatures. My body is having a difficult time maintaining homeostasis and there is a river running through my cleavage. We’ll talk in a few days when things are better. I better be going. My lawn is beginning to smolder.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Giant aviator sunglasses that make me look like a mosquito? Check. Ball cap? Check. Mismatched shorts and shirt (didn't really help the look, but) check and check.
As we approached the top of a hill, one of our three town police men (That's right, I said three. Please don't rob me.) slowly drove past us. Brantley gave me a heads up. "Look out. It's the po-po." He whisper shouted.
"Thanks, babe. Are we doing anything wrong?" I asked.
"Well I'm not, but you're dressed like you're casing the neighborhood."
"Thanks. Anything else?"
"You run kinda gay."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
No longer a bowl would you roam.
But you had to be sheisty, and not one bit feisty
When you came down with a deadly syndrome.
Godspeed, Sunny. You were a great fish, for almost three solid days. We will never forget you, until we return to the pet store tomorrow.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Nice Geico lady: "What is the urine color?"
Me: "Ummm, yellow."
(Her line of questioning did strike me as a little detailed, especially for a car insurance company, but I'll talk about urine with just about anybody.)
Nice Geico lady: "That's interesting. I've never seen a yellow one before."
Me: "I don't think I understand the question."
Nice Geico lady: "What is the YEAR AND COLOR...of the Saab?''
Me: "Ohhh, gotcha. It's a 2005 and it's gray, unlike my urine."
I had a good laugh, especially when she told me in a sassy voice, "Honey, the only fluids I deal with is oil and gas!"