Brantley-isms from Margaritaville

I'm on vacation in Florida all this week so don't expect to hear from me again. Not because I think blogging is work, but rather because I'm having to sit in the parking lot of a place called Harry T's while I steal their wifi.
So far, the week has been super relaxing and tonight we attended a free concert at the Baytowne Wharf. While enjoying the music, I spotted what I thought to be an old girlfriend from nursing school. I nudged Brantley and asked him if he thought it was the same girl.
"I don't know what she looks like," he said.
"What do you mean, you don't know what she looks like? She came to our wedding."
"Lori, how am I supposed to remember anything about that day?"
"Good point," I said.
"I do kinda regret being that wasted at our wedding," he added.
"We all do, Sweetie. We all do."

Come See Our New Look!

If you are an email subscriber who doesn't visit the actual site too often, stop back in and take a gander at Loripalooza's new look.  I may continue to make a few minor tweaks here and there, but other than that we are up and running, shiny and new.

I credit my tech savvy friend, Beth, with all of the changes. Let me know what you think! If you don't like the new look, I can get you Beth's email address and phone number. (Just kidding, Beth.)

http://www.loripalooza.com/

Hey Tramp, Get A Life!

Lori Wescott, life coach is back and ready to address the subject of infidelity.  Spoiler alert! I don't hold back.

I’m speaking directly to all you tramps out there.  To be clear, a tramp is a cheater, male or female.  Many of you tramps get into a cycle of dating/seeking someone who is already married or attached.  Make no mistake. This behavior is pathetic, and if you wish to lead a life you can be proud of then you have to stop immediately.

It is imperative that you search yourself and find out what causes you to be attracted to someone who is unavailable.  Perhaps you crave excitement and adrenaline.  If this is the case, then develop a meth habit so you can go from ruining lots of lives, to just your own.  Other times tramps go after S.O.S (someone else’s spouse) because they feel there is less competition.  Rather than competing with a sea of other eligible candidates, you only have one person to compete with.  However, what this really means is that you have very low self-esteem.  Try to keep in mind that no matter how many relationships you wreck, you will still have a poor self-image.  I can’t stress this enough.  Do what you need to do to handle your “Waaah, waaah. Woe is me,” self esteem issues and stop messing around with S.O.S. 

“But Lori, it takes two people to cheat.”

Cut the crap.  It may take two people to cheat, but it only takes one person to start it.  Remember, no one likes a tramp.  Not even your mom.  And, just because something makes you happy, doesn’t mean it’s ok. 

Until next time, try to Get A Life.

Under Construction

In the coming days Loripalooza will be undergoing a face lift.  So if you visit the website and find it in disarray, don't cry.  It will be up and running again shortly.  And don't worry, it will still be recognizable.

A Moment in Pop Culture

Back again! Ready and willing to pop your culture. Let’s get started, shall we?

Michael Lohan was arrested recently for assaulting his girlfriend.  This has left people everywhere asking, “is he a good role model?”

Leah and baby-daddy Corey from the MTV reality show Teen Mom, are now married, and despite herself, she wore a white dress at the wedding.  Corey donned a tuxedo with a camouflage vest and wedding band.  His grand kids will be excited to inherit that one day.  It looked to be a classy event where everrbody did their har up faincy-like.

Angelina Jolie reportedly made another comment about how monogamy isn’t necessary in a relationship.  Always a big surprise coming from such a man-stealing whore.

And finally, Chris Brown had a violent meltdown after an appearance on Good Morning America last week.  In his defense, he was upset over the interview questions selected by Robin Roberts, and he broke a window in his dressing room because there was no one in there he could hit. 

Leigh Does China

My sister, Leigh, and her boyfriend, Carl, made it safely back from China this week.  I talked to her on Thursday and we had a nice long conversation about everything they did and saw.  After talking with her for about an hour we wrapped up the conversation and before we hung up I asked, “So nothing crazy or scary happened on your trip?”  Then, as if she were recounting a trip to the post office she added, “Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I was hit by a car and attacked by a monkey.”

Apparently China doesn’t have stringent traffic laws, or in some places, traffic lights.  She was attempting to cross an intersection, on a crosswalk no less, when she was hit.  “It just rolled me up on the hood and pushed me forward a little.  It didn’t hurt.”

As for the monkey story, Leigh and Carl were posing for a picture when someone happened by with their pet monkey.  It immediately ran up her leg, crawling across her face, and stopping on top of her head.  “I wasn’t sure of the laws regarding monkeys and self defense, so I just kind of stood there.  I didn’t want to end up in a Chinese prison for punching a monkey in the face.”  I couldn’t argue with that.

Fortunately for me, the person with the camera kept snapping, and for that I say thank you.

Alter Ego- Lori Wescott, Life Coach

The other day I said to myself, “I could use some extra money, but I don’t want to bother going back to school.”  I knew my only two options were being a freelance plumber, or a life coach.  I quickly marked plumbing off the list because I’ve been told that I’m not a “good worker,” whatever that means.  So life coaching it is!

I have been totally committed to helping others better themselves through my instruction and advice for four full days now.  However, I’ve been touching people’s lives for years.  Just read this testimonial from one of my clients.

“Lori has been coaching my life since we met about ten years ago.  I can always count on her to jump in and correct me before I make a decision.  She’s not very subtle.  I got a life with Lori Wescott and so can you.”      -Brantley, from Tennessee

Everyone could use a little improvement in their lives.  Follow Brantley’s lead and start living a happier, more attractive existence today.  I can help you with relationship advice, occupational dilemmas, ridiculous self-loathing, general whinery, crap-ass attitudes, PMS, and more.

Stay tuned to Loripalooza for further advice from Lori Wescott, Life Coach on subjects such as, “If You Think Everyone Hates You, They Probably Do,” and “Exercise Is For the Morbidly Obese.”