Acne & Ignorance- A Dangerous Combo

I’ve joked before about my Terminal End Stage Acne Disease (TESAD), and while that was a bit of an exaggeration (and perhaps a made up disease) I’m still a thirty-one year old with the complexion of a fifteen year old.

My dermatologist has opted to put me on Accutane, which is a medication with serious implications to a fetus, should you become pregnant. I’m not at risk for pregnancy for reasons that are none of your business, but the FDA wants to make doubly sure that no one gets pregnant while on this medication. In addition to the rigorous hoops you have to jump through to prove you aren’t pregnant, you are also required to sign more paperwork than required for buying a house.

My favorite part of this whole process is making sure that everyone knows what causes pregnancy in a booklet called, Separating the Myths from the Facts. I do realize that the majority of people who take this medication are teens, but I was greatly disturbed to realize what some of today’s myths are. I’ll share a few with you. Keep in mind the language used is targeted toward teenagers.

Myth:

• You cannot get pregnant if you do it standing up.
• You cannot get pregnant if you have sex underwater.
• “My partner said he is sterile because he had mumps, and he hasn’t gotten anyone else pregnant.”
• Sexually active means you have to move during sex. If I do not move, I cannot get pregnant. (My personal favorite. This particular myth makes me want to find a teenager and punch them in the gonads.)

If today’s youth actually subscribe to these myths, then they have problems far worse than acne to attend to. This is why there is a show called 16 and Pregnant. Maybe somewhere there is a chemist coming up with an acne treatment that also causes sterility. 

Politely Rude- A Luke-ism

I've never claimed to be a good singer, but I didn't realize just how bad I was until last night. I was lying down with Luke as I belted out When You Wish Upon a Star. I paused briefly between verses, and Luke took the opportunity to beg, "May I pwease, pwease, stop hearing you sing?"

And the Winner Is...

Thanks to all of you who posted comments, and reposted details of the giveaway. Believe it or not, comments and followers are a big part of what I'm judged on in the eyes of a literary agent/publisher. Please, keep them coming and look for future giveaways.

The winner of the Pampered Chef giveaway to Help Whip Breast Cancer is...Carrie!

Thanks again for visiting Molly Wright's Pampered Chef website, and keep her in mind for your PC needs.

It Isn't Fall Unless You're at the Pumpkin Patch

Brantley finally had a day off so we used it to take Luke to the pumpkin patch. Luke had a wonderful time petting the animals, while I sampled the wares. It was a very good day considering Luke had been up ALL night after Brantley fed him 72% Cacao at bedtime. Brantley now understands why that wasn't a good idea, and that if it ever happens again the Police will have to carry me to jail.

Where's Luke?

Funnel cake. Nom nom nom nom.

Petting a cow with Dad.

Favorite goat. You hear that, Santa?

I've got a really bad feeling about that sheep with the blue X on it...

After leaving the pumpkin patch we went to lunch at O'Charley's. They really put the O' in, "Oh my God, are you sure this isn't Shoney's." 

***Remember folks, the Pampered Chef giveaway ends October 27th. For your chance to win, click HERE and go through the steps (1. Follow the blog  2. Post a comment saying which PC item was your favorite  3. (optional) Post the links of Facebook or Twitter.)***

Loripalooza Hosts Pampered Chef Giveaway

Loripalooza is teaming up with independent Pampered Chef consultant, Molly Wright to bring you some limited edition pink products available for the month of October only. Every time you purchase one of their Help Whip Cancer products, Pampered Chef will donate $1 to the American Cancer Society.

How can I enter to win?

Go to Molly’s personal Pampered Chef link by clicking HERE. After you browse, post a comment on Loripalooza telling me what your favorite Pampered Chef item is, or which you would like most.

(You have to be a follower to post a comment, which can be done by clicking HERE. It’s quick and painless.)

You can also be entered once for each time you

• mention on Twitter, “Loripalooza hosts Pampered Chef #giveaway @Loriwescott http://bit.ly/ny2pQv"
• mention on Facebook, “Loripalooza hosts Pampered Chef Giveaway. http://bit.ly/ny2pQv", and tag me so I’ll see it.

What could I win?

Pink Bar Board and Knife

Dots Microfiber Towel

...a $24 value with shipping!! Winner gets both items.

***Contest ends October 27th!! You only have six days. Go!!!***

Dance Off

On nights when Brantley works late, Luke (3) and I like to have after-dinner dance parties. Here's a video of one such party. The role of Scooby Doo is played by Luke. The role of Scooby's personal trainer is played by me.

I was disturbed the first time I watched this and realized that I call out instructions better than a mom on Toddlers and Tiaras.

(Background music by Bel Div Devoe.)

Crank Calls

There have been times when my crank calls have gone terribly wrong. Those are stories for another day, but suffice it to say I haven't learned my lesson. Crank calling Brantley at work is one of my favorite pass times, and some would argue (ok, just me) that it's a legitimate hobby. When crank calling gets recognized as an Olympic sport I will wave my gold medallion in your faces.

The art of CC'ing requires a good bit of work. There are disguised voices involved, not to mention the back story and the slightly ridiculous request or complaint I will call with. Up to ten minutes can be spent at one time just to get lucky enough for Brantley to answer the phone. When I hear the voice on the other line say, "This is Brantley. May I help you?" that's when I pounce.

The following conversation occurred two days ago.

Brantley- "This is Brantley. May I help you?"
Redneck lady- "You sure may. This is Eunice Petty. Do you all sell Massengill?"
Brantley- "Only by the gallon."

At that point the line went dead and I can only assume that he hung up. We haven't had a chance to discuss it since then, but I'm fairly certain he knew it was me. I will spend some time this week cultivating my character a bit more. Perhaps she wears a hat, or sounds a little more downtrodden. One thing is certain, and that is Eunice Irene Petty better be receiving her gallons worth of feminine care.

Luke-isms

Brantley and I are a little leery when it comes to exposing Luke (3) to computer/video games. We realize that there are valuable motor skills learned with some games, but for the most part they just fill up spans of time that should be spent playing outside. Don't worry. We aren't going to let Luke be the odd kid that shows up for the first day of school and says, "What's a video game?" So he's allowed to play certain ones that are deemed educational.

He and I were playing one such game yesterday. The premise of the game is to count apples, and thus help you practice counting. I noticed that he had gotten pretty good. He added one plus one, and one plus two. Then he got confident. He clicked six apples plus three more. He got discouraged and shook his head.

"It's ok, Luke. Let's think about this. What do you get if you have six apples, then you add three more?"
"A big mess. Wet's go outside."

(Keith Glines photography)

Dancing With the Stars: Wardrobe Status and Smelly Flatus

The ABC Network has hit the jackpot with Dancing With the Stars contestant, Nancy Grace. After her nipple slip last week she took the advice of a former contestant, and instead of retreating she reloaded in a BIG WAY.

Nancy has become a ratings cash cow because millions of people will be tuning in to ABC to see what she does next!! The possibilities are endless and the suspense is killing me.

Against All Odds: A Harrowing Tale of Vacation, Marriage, and Pancakes

I had a rough night with Luke last night, and as a result I didn't get much sleep. Brantley and I are alternating sleeping in Luke's bed with him while we're on vacation, and he struggles through a little nightmare phase. If a million reasons just popped into your head on why this is a bad idea, just keep it to yourself because we each get a good night sleep every other night. All was well until 4:30 this morning when I started feeling a tap tap tapping on my shoulder.

"Hey Mom, it's me, Wucas. I need a snack."
"Go back to sleep," I mustered through gritted teeth.
"But I'm so hawngry. It's morning time."
"No, it isn't."
"Mom, you be kiddin' me."

This went on for quite some time before I finally turned on Tom and Jerry to pacify him before going back to sleep. I have no idea how much time passed, but some time later I heard Brantley's thunderous footsteps coming down the hall. Luke greeted him sweetly with, "Good morning, Dad. Mom won't wake up and it's morning time."

I could hear Brantley make his way toward me. I pulled the covers off of my head with my standard growl and hiss. (It's imperative that I exert my dominance early on in the day, otherwise Brantley spends a whole day feeling drunk with power.)

"I brought you something," he said.

There before me was a pancake and bacon breakfast with a cup of coffee. This was an especially sweet gesture considering Brantley version 2.0 doesn't eat pancakes or drink coffee. He had done it all for me. I was almost speechless. All I could think to say was, "I'm sorry for cussing at you in my head."

Now, I'm not one to jump to conclusions, and I certainly don't want to jinx anything, but after eight years together I'm starting to think this marriage just may work.

My boys

With a new train and giant lollipop it's obvious who is REALLY drunk with power.

Guest Blogger, Brantley Wescott

The leaves are falling off the trees and the weather has begun to cool off. For many people the month of October is synonymous with their favorite time of year. It also marks the time of year that people commemorate their favorite cause, American Pharmacists Month. I would like to thank you in advance for the cards and letters of thanks that my fellow comrades and I will be receiving over the next 31 days.

Keep in mind that we work tirelessly to read your doctor's handwriting, count by fives until we get to thirty (sometimes even ninety), and say over and over again, "Yes, it really DOES cost that much even with your insurance."

You're appreciation won't go unnoticed. Please go to your local pharmacy, give your pharmacist a hug, and tell them that in honor of American Pharmacists Month you would like to register for the Free Ambien Giveaway. You'll be glad you did.

Sincerely,

Brantley L. Wescott, PharmD

Riding, Resting and Relaxation

I’m glad to be writing to you from sunny Destin, FL where the Wescott three are enjoying a little R&R. Luke has been living it up pretty hard which has required Brantley and I to check him a few times. One instance was over a comment he made to some pedestrians while we were driving the golf cart. Brantley poignantly explained to him why it wasn’t alright to say, “Get out of the way of my Jeep!”

This morning I wasn’t feeling like going for a run so I opted to ride a bike to the Baytowne Wharf and back to the house. Historically speaking, my bike riding skills are less than stellar, but I hung in there and completed my journey. The best part was when Brantley and Luke pulled up alongside me in the golf cart and Luke shouted, “Mom, you’re on a bike? You be kiddin’ me, right?” I would've responded with something snarky if I hadn't been panting so hard. Afterwards, I collapsed into the jacuzzi and shouted for Brantley to, "Fix me a milkshake!"

I think that’s the first time I have pedaled anything since a spin class instructor politely asked me to leave her class because she thought I was going to faint. However, after today I may be changing my Christmas wish list from Segway to bike. (Although, I still really, really, really want a Segway. No pressure.)