Luke-isms

This week Luke tried out a couple different gymnastics venues. The first place we went was not great to say the least, but Luke took it all in stride. Wanting to get an idea of what Luke could, and couldn't do the female instructor asked him to sit on the floor in a straddle position. Having no idea what  that meant, but not wanting to admit it, Luke raised his hand and interrupted her with, "Excuse me, sir, I cannot do a full straddle position because my wegs are too short."
Way to play it cool.

Pants On the Ground

Luke (3 yrs old) seems to be going through a stripper phase.  I can turn my back for one minute only to find that he has completely disrobed in record time. I try to choose my battles wisely so I only make an issue of it if we have company coming over. However, there is just no preparing for a random knock at the door.
Case in point, Daniel, the handsome exterminator, came by a couple of days ago to call on me (or treat our house for bugs, whatever). Luke walked up and said, "Hi," to which he responded, "Well, look who's got pants on!"

Jingle Bells by Luke (Video)

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, all for the way

Oh what fun Christmas

Oh jingle...

Jingle bells, Jingle bells, all for the way

Oh, what Christmas jingle bells are!"

(If you're having trouble viewing this on your mobile device click HERE.)

Luke-isms

I was showering when Luke (3 yrs. old) came stomping into my bathroom with his pants off and two thumbs up announcing, "Mommyyyyyyy, I did poo-poos in the potty!"
I panicked a little considering that this act usually requires assistance on my part. If I hadn't been in the shower I"m pretty sure I would've had a sweat mustache just from the anxiety.
I inquired as to whether he had completed the paperwork that is required afterward.
He responded with, "Nah, I not need to, Mom. It was just all happy down 'ere."
"Get in the bathtub NOW!"

Holiday Memories

This post is an oldie but a goody from a couple of years ago.  Get out the cocoa because it's about to get warm and fuzzy up in here, circa 1988!

I have fond memories of going to pick out a Christmas tree as a child. My parents, my two sisters and I would load up in our Dodge Omni and head out to what seemed like the wilderness. Most people bought their Christmas trees from a vendor in the Kroger parking lot, or went to a tree farm, but not us. Years later I would realize that we had actually been tree thieving trespassers on some strangers land, but what the hay. It was quality time together and that’s what mattered. 

One year in particular, we found the most perfect tree. It was just right in size and shape. My Dad cut it down and strapped it to the top of our car and the five of us loaded back in. We were on our way home when my dad slowed down and pointed to a different tree on the side of the road. “I think that one might be better than the one we just picked, but I’m not sure if it’s big enough. Lori, would you go stand next to it so we can see how big it is by comparison?”

“Sure, Daddy.” My sisters and I had been singing Christmas carols in the backseat, but I was happy to stop singing and oblige my father. I even felt special that he had asked me, rather than my older sister. I jumped out of the car and ran across the dirt road. When I located the particular tree I turned around to face the car. At that moment I knew I had been set up. My entire family waved out the window at me and I could hear them laughing as my dad sped away.

I was eight years old and all alone, standing next to someone else’s tree, on someone else’s property like a big jackass. It doesn’t get much worse than that. Down the road I saw my dad backing the car up to come back and get me. I considered not getting back in, but I didn’t have a lot of options. My family had a good laugh at my expense. “You should’ve seen your face,” and “That was so funny!” was all I heard the whole way home.

"Yeah," I thought. "Really funny". I wish the police had driven by. I could’ve told them what happened and my parents would’ve gone to jail on Christmas. Trespassing, stealing, and child neglect- that would show them. I made the ride home as unpleasant as possible for everyone by singing Christmas carols non-stop, and at the top of my lungs. An hour and twenty minutes later we arrived home and they all clamored out of the car. I may not have abandoned them on a deserted road, but I had gotten under their skin and I took solace in that. My real revenge would have to wait, though. I knew there was a jolly fat man watching and I needed to act the part.

Flash forward about twenty years to a slight fear of abandonment. Go figure.

Thanksgiving Day Revenge- Video Turkey Attacks

The turkey in this video has had it with Thanksgiving Day stereotypes.


(link) http://cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2011/10/07/turkey-attacks-producer.kxtv

Dare I say, happy turkey day!

20 to Life (With Time Off for Sharing)

Brace yourselves because I'm about to drop a bomb. Luke received his first time-out in preschool this week. It's taken me several days to come to terms with this enough to write about it. Where did he learn that it was ok to spit? (I blame rap music.)
Believe me when I say that the buck stops here. Today's time-out is tomorrow's juvey, and we all know there's nothing hokey about the pokey.

Baxter's World

I offer you a glimpse into Baxter's world.
A world where the trees are bountiful with squirrels, and tug of war lasts all day.
A world fragrant with the scent of a stale turd.
Where breath is so bad it makes everyone want to stick their head out the window.
A world where it's perfectly acceptable to stand in the Little Harpeth River with your tail upstream, head downstream, and drink while simultaneously urinating.
Where naps are long, the bathroom is anywhere, and a good meal is had by standing under Luke's chair at the kitchen table.
Oh, what a world. We should all be so lucky.