How To Beat The Winter Weather Blues

"Winter Weather Blues" is my son's nickname.

I'm kidding. 

Sort of.

It's cold and dreary outside. If you're like me, (and if you aren't you probably wish you were) then you're doing your very best to keep your family, your dog, and yourself from crossing the line from seasonally affected to seasonally afflicted. 

I'm pretty certain I read somewhere that Cabin Fever is more contagious than Herpes. 

Here are some ways we're avoiding it at our happy home. 

Spend two hours turning a cardboard box into a crappy robot that your son will be totally ashamed of.

Get lost in a sea of arts and crafts. You'll be feeling very mentally healthy when after a couple hours of this your son asks, "Can we do something fun?" 

Now, if you have the desire to respond with, "Like give you a black eye?" then step away from the scissors and the hot glue and try something else.

You always hear people say "Take time for yourself." These people are stupid and usually don't have kids, but we all need something to hit that won't send us to jail. Just know that while you're taking time to let off steam there will be at least one unsanctioned bathroom experiment going on behind your back. That's why it's so important to make those minutes count. 

Finally, don't neglect your pet. If you notice your dog is feeling down, then give them a self-esteem boost with a little dental hygiene. He/she will be thrilled about it, not to mention SUPER cooperative. 

I hope these ideas have been helpful. If they haven't, then feel free to jump off a bridge.

What are you doing to stay sane this winter? I'd love to hear your coping skills, I mean ideas.

Lori

Loripalooza Tip Of The Week: Overcoming Adversity

Lori

(Barely) Surviving The Polar Vortex of 2014

I'm writing to you from a place called Monkey Joe's. It's a place where kids can run wild with reckless abandon while their parents sit in massage chairs and use the free wifi to watch episodes of Breaking Bad on their laptops. 

I'm thankful for this place because there aren't THAT many at-home, indoor activities I can come up with. I thought there were. I was wrong. 

Earlier this morning Luke asked me to help him make a jet out of a cardboard box. I said, "Of course." 

Two hours later we were both crying. 

He complained that I cut the holes in the wrong places and that his whole body wouldn't fit into it. 

"That was NEVER a possibility!" I cried.

"Dad could make it work," he said.

"Ok, look. I can attach something to the bottom of it so your legs don't show."

A short time later I noticed that our Yorkie, Baxter had retreated to a safe place- free from box cutters, hot glue and burlap. I should have done the same.

I'm no engineer, but I was pretty proud of the finished product. It had wings on either side. There were handles on the top for him to maneuver the jet from inside (I crafted them from pipe cleaners, dammit!!). It had two exhaust pipe thingies made from toilet paper rolls that stuck out of the back. Yes, the eye holes were too far apart, but I cut exactly where he had traced them. The final addition was the fabric that hung down to cover his legs, keeping him completely concealed in his "jet." 

Did he say, "Gee thanks, Mom!" or "I love it!"

No. 

His response was, "I can't wear a jet with a skirt on it! I'm not a girl."

I was done. 

"Get dressed. Arts and crafts are over," I said. "We're going to Monkey Joes."

Forget the Polar Vortex. I needed a massage and some grown up TV shows.

Lori

Things That Suck

I hate to brag (just nod and pretend to agree) but I got a new vacuum cleaner over the weekend. My old vacuum was already on its last leg when our fully decorated Christmas tree fell over leaving shards of glass ornaments all over the floor.

Luke, who actually had nothing to do with it, ran downstairs to see what was the matter. He looked at the carnage and cried, “Christmas is ruined!”

“Don’t be silly,” I told him. “Christmas is most certainly NOT ruined.”

The Christmas Tree Catastrophe of 2013 would be the last battle old girl ever fought. Shortly after sucking up all of the pine needles and debris, she made her way to the living room where she exploded all of it back onto the floor.

“Christmas IS ruined,” I cried.

It was. It really was.

Flash forward to yesterday when I was zipping around the house with my new “light-weight” vacuum cleaner. Did I end up overexerting myself? Yes, but in the moment I couldn’t be stopped. I was high on adrenaline. The fact that the iPhone in my pocket had somehow put Mmmbop on repeat didn’t help.

“Man that’s a good song,” I thought to myself. “What ever happened to those three ugly, blonde-headed girls, anyway? Oh, who cares? I have a new light-weight vacuum and a new lease on life!”

Today my floors are clean, but my body is sore- very sore. Like my new vacuum cleaner, it really sucks. 

Lori

A Five-Year-Old's First Impression Of The #DMV

Taking my son with me to the DMV was not my idea of fun, but given that school was closed due to snow I had no other choice. 

Upon immediately walking in the door Luke stated, "It smells like the doctor, but worse!"

"Luke, please keep your voice down."

"Okay, okay, but where are the comfortable chairs?"

"Listen to me, Lucas. Just please sit here and be quiet. These are the only chairs they have."

"They don't have couches?"

"No, they don't. Here, play with my iPad."

"I sure wish that baby would hush up. Why does everybody look so angry?"

Through gritted teeth I said, "Lucas Wescott, I will take the iPad away if you don't keep your voice down. And, everyone looks so angry because no one wants to be here."

He responded with a sigh. "Yes, MA'AM," before mumbling, "Sure am glad that baby left."

After an hour and a half more passed it was finally my turn.

"Come on, Luke. They finally called my name," I said as we walked past a large man with overalls and a mullet.

"Fank goodness because it just started smelling WAY worser."

Luke sat on the floor while I talked to the surprisingly cheerful attendant. She asked me to step in front of the blue screen to have my picture taken. 

Luke scrambled up as fast as he could. "I want to be in it. Let me be in it, too!! Please!!"

The attendant told Luke, "Ok, why don't you stand here in front of your Mom." Then, she whispered to me, "He won't be in it. It's just a head shot." 

I whispered back, "You don't know my kid."

She counted to five just as she said she would and at that very moment Luke jumped into the air shouting, "Cheese!"

"Um, let's take another photo, Mrs. Wescott," she said. 

This time Luke sat on the floor while I had my photo taken with what will probably be the angriest expression the Williamson County DMV has ever seen. The faces of rage worn on the burly men waiting to get their driver's licenses re-instated had nothing on my angry mug. 

I am eagerly anticipating receiving my new license in the mail. 

This, ladies and gentlemen is why you should never take a five-year-old to the DMV.

Three Minutes Inside the Head of an Everyday Mom

"Three Minutes Inside the Head of an Everyday Mom" is brought to you by JD Bailey, creator and writer at HonestMom.com.

You may have seen the hysterical post by Jason Good in which he gives you a 3-minute glimpse inside the head of his 2-year-old.

I read that again recently and thought, huh. I don't think my head functions all that differently. Which is either a bit funny or a bit pathetic. Let's find out.

3 Minutes Inside the Head of a 36-Year-Old

Upon waking up in the morning...

I'm tired.

I NEED COFFEE.

That person climbing on top of me better be a hungry preschooler and not a hungry husband.

Ow. That was my spleen.

Stop climbing on me so I can get my coffee.

GET OFF OF ME.

Oh look! Hubs brought me coffee!

Ahhhh, coffee.

What day is today? Monday? Wednesday? Thurfriunday?

Ooooh, pretty shiny ring. On my 3-year-old.

TAKE OFF MY WEDDING RING!

Where's Annie? Is she still in bed?

I need to know what the weather's like today.

Who put Dora the Explorer on?

What's the chance that Dora could tell me if it's gonna rain today?

So wait. What day is today? Tuesday?

OMG. It's Tuesday. Annie's still in bed.

Bus will be here in 39 minutes.

I didn't make lunch yet.

Doesn't Annie have to bring something for show-and-tell today?

Do we have peanut butter?

Man, I want peanut butter RIGHT NOW.

And chocolate.

Nutella. I want Nutella.

I must be PMSing. Or I'm pregnant.

Crap, could I actually be pregnant?

Why does my third toenail have no nail polish on it?

I have to go to Target.

Need to buy more peanut butter. And dryer sheets.

God, my spleen hurts. Or is that my appendix?

Huh. Do I have appendicitis? Nah.

God I'm tired. Hubs snores too much.

Oh. Buy nose strips for Hubs at Target.

I really hope Hubs is waking Annie up right now.

THE BUS WILL BE HERE IN 38 MINUTES!

Oy, will I ever get real curtains for this room?

Which kid has dance class today?

What is Annie crying about?

I think I have a draft due for a client today.

Or is it the school newsletter that's due today?

Christ, there is a PTO meeting today, isn't there?

Why is Gracie so quiet in the bathroom?

Crap. She just flushed a whole role of toilet paper, didn't she?

Must. Get. More. Coffee. NOW.

Am I the only one whose brain functions (malfunctions?) in this way?

You can read more from JD Bailey at HonestMom.com. 

Happy Holidays From Loripalooza!!