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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Runner's High

For my 29th birthday I requested a treadmill. My husband, characteristically acted appalled by the idea of owning one then finally caved at got one for me. It is quite fancy and came equipped with a tv screen, a fan, an Ipod hookup, and a personal trainer function which yells at me.
With a baby it takes forever to pack everything up and go to the gym. Now I can exercise at my leisure which I have done everyday since it was delivered (three days ago). Yesterday, however, was a busy day and I didn’t find the time until around 8:30 when my son went to bed.
My husband, Brantley, and I had the following conversation after my workout:

Brantley: Can we please go to bed now?
Me: I don’t know if I can sleep for a while. I’m really high on all these endorphins. Oh wait you’ve never had a runner’s high before have you? Guess you wouldn’t understand.
Brantley: You power walked for 30 minutes…
Me: Shut up. It’s hard.

I then spent the next 15 minutes explaining to him the science behind the runner’s high which is actually caused by smoke that is emitted from the friction of your thighs rubbing together. Once inhaled this smoke has effects similar to Peyote. These effects are magnified even more by sipping Diet Coke and snacking on Captain’s Wafers while you run (or power walk). I know because I did it. I also hallucinated taking the shape of a unicorn.
Webster’s dictionary: “runner’s high- feeling of elation achieved when a person inhales smoke generated by thigh friction. Can also cause said person to hallucinate taking the shape of a unicorn.”
Is that enough proof for you?