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Monday, August 16, 2010

Happy Marriage Tips

In order to maintain a long and healthy marriage avoid ever asking your wife, "Are you wearing a bra?" Nothing good can come from the awaiting conversation. If you are lucky she will answer you abruptly. However, if you aren't lucky, she will answer your stupid question with her own question. "Do you think I'm wearing a bra?" If you find yourself up this creek, try and change the subject to something nostalgic, like how magical your first date was. Chicks love stuff like that. Then, ask her if she would like something to drink, or perhaps a foot rub. Hopefully by then, she will have forgotten your insensitive faux pas and the fact that her nipples are being pinched by the elastic waist band in her granny panties.

Now let's say you weaseled your way out of trouble for the last question, and you ignorantly assume her reaction to the foot rub means that she is ready for a roll in the hay. Under no circumstances is it ok to replace foreplay with the line, "Hey, you busy?" Whether you've been married a week or a half century, the sound of your voice is most likely no longer giving her goose bumps so you're going to have to try a little harder. (I'm not naming names.) In the end, you will be pleased with the result and so will your wife.

Remember fellas. They cook your meals. They clean your house. They raise your kids AND provide a much needed second income. It would be wise to keep them in good spirits.