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Monday, December 31, 2012

Happy New Year!

I'm hoping all of you had a wonderful holiday season and spent time with those you love and those you  don't really love, but have to see regardless. I know I did. Thank you all so much for the Christmas cards filled with cash. Wait, did your Christmas cards not come filled with cash? Sounds like you have crappy friends.

Here we are once again at the dawn of a new year. 2012 seems to have flown by in the blink of an eye. Let's take a look back at a few of the things we learned.

  • Mayans were as good at making calendars as Honey Boo Boo is at speaking English. 
  • Football really does matter to some folks, as evidence by an Alabama fan sexually assaulting an LSU fan after the BCS championship game. #keepingitclassy
  • I actually do NOT have gorilla boobs. (That was a close one.) 
  • Seaweed IS a snack.
  • The mullet is alive and well all-over the United States. 
  • Buddy races are NOT meant for husbands and wives. 
  • Despite my efforts to raise awareness of the needless "self-ies" posted daily on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, they continue to happen. I will continue to spread the word in the hopes of reaching at least one person. 
  • Amish people take vacations. Albeit crappy vacations, but who knew?
  • A lady named Patricia Krentcil may or may not have put her ginger kid in a tanning bed. Even if she did, it's probably the least bad decision she made all year. 
  • Disney World hates the Wescott's and the feeling is mutual. 
  • I was named 2012 Trophy Wife of the year, catching me completely by surprise for the ninth year in a row. 
Whew! That was a busy year. I can't wait to see what 2013 holds. Happy New Year! And remember, if you live in my neighborhood and you shoot off fireworks after 10:30 tonight, I'm calling the cops on your ass. Take care now.