Happy Marriage Tips

Life is like a box of dollar store condoms.  You never know what you're going to get. 

Happy Whorelloween

I ventured out today in search of a Halloween costume. I went to Target, Wal-Mart and Halloween Express, and the choices were plentiful, assuming my goal was to contract genital herpes.

Tell me why. Why on earth do all of the ladies costumes have to be so seductive looking? I could’ve chosen between sexy pirate, sexy doctor, sexy nurse, sexy vampire, sexy zombie, sexy slut, or harlot. There was even a sexy candy corn costume…riddle me that.

Are all costume designers horny men? Do they want me to resort, yet again, to an extra large boys’ costume? Don’t make me be a Power Ranger again this year.