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Thursday, January 14, 2010

A Bit Nippy

Every Wednesday morning the public library in our town hosts story time, and yesterday I decided we would try it out. We took a seat and shortly after, the librarian began to read a book about turtles. There were about fifteen moms and twenty or so children present.

Luke was much more interested in the people than the book. He was feeling a little feisty and required redirection and shushing several times, but I expected as much from an eighteen month old. He expressed a desire to sit in the floor with some of the other kids so I allowed it. He gradually began making his way closer and closer to the librarian before finally going for it. The next thing I knew, he was standing in front of her with his hand on her leg.

I ran up to the front to retrieve him when he was suddenly stricken with with limp legs and collapsed to the floor. He thought this was very funny and chuckled as I began to get angry. Other moms were staring at us with eyes like saucers. Jeez, I thought. You’d think these women had never seen a temper tantrum before. I looked down with the intention of showing Luke a really serious, “I mean business,” face when I saw my right boob hanging completely out of my shirt. I’m not just talking about a nipple slip, either. I’m talking full on areola exposure in front of complete strangers AND their young kids. In a flash I had transformed a sweet and innocent story time into a peep show suitable for a Harlequin romance novel. Apparently, when I leaned over to try and pick Luke up, my fun bag had come out of my camisole (with a “built in bra”). After a few mere tugs of my sweater from Luke, the ground hog popped out and saw its shadow. (Looks like we’re going to have six more weeks of winter.)

I let go of Luke and collected myself, putting everything in its proper place. I held Luke’s hand as we made our way back to our seats with my free hand laid securely across my chest. We had almost made it to our seats when I stumbled. Unwilling to bear my goods twice, I used both arms to secure my top which left me with nothing to catch myself. I luckily landed without a face plant and ended up with only a bruised knee to add to my bruised ego. Soon after, it was craft time and we made a quiet exit.

I think it’s too soon to say if we’ll go back again, but if we do I’ll probably wear pasties. You just can’t be too careful these days. You never know what kind of trouble you can run into at the library.