Comedy Corner: Natasha Leggero

Comedian, Natasha Leggero, is no stranger to success. Appearing as a regular round table guest on “Chelsea Lately,” as well as “the Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” and “Reno 911,” she is a guaranteed laugh. You may have also seen Ms. Leggero flex her thespian prowess on the big screen in the movie, “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

She came to Nashville recently and I was first in line to see her perform. She’s no bigger than a minute, and with an infectious smile, it was quite a surprise to hear many of her musings. Religion, rap music, homelessness. Nothing was left out. I can also attest to the fact that she knows how to handle a heckling audience member (and, no it wasn’t me) while maintaining poise, grace, and a little raunchy humor.

I met her after the show and was fortunate enough to be granted an interview. So, without further ado, allow me to introduce a moment with funny girl, Natasha Leggero.

Loripalooza: Most little girls don’t grow up with aspirations of becoming a comedian. How did you get to this place in your life?

Natasha: All it takes is a bad childhood! (This is good news for the Lohan sisters.)

Loripalooza: Where do you draw your inspiration for writing comedy?

Natasha: Women giving birth in toilets. (If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard that one!)

Loripalooza: Who are your favorite comedians? Mentors?

Natasha: Todd Barry, Tig Notaro, Zach Galifinakis, Bill Hicks

Loripalooza: Between stand-up and acting, which do you prefer?

Natasha: Nothing beats live performance!

Loripalooza: Is anything “off limits” when writing comedy?

Natasha: No comic should do more than 3 rape jokes per set.

Loripalooza: What are your current projects?

Natasha: I am currently touring. For tour dates: http://www.natashaleggero.com/

Loripalooza: If American Idol came out with their own alcoholic beverage, which would you prefer?
a. Ruben Studdard (Ale) - dark and full bodied
b. Clay Aiken (Wine cooler) - sweet and fruity
c. Jordin Sparks (Spumanti) - light and fresh

Natasha: I'll have a ClayAiken- with a side of whatever Paula Abdul is on!

A Sweet Moment (Almost)

It was what I like to call the magic hour. Bedtime for the boy. As usual, I eagerly anticipated the free time that would follow, only to feel guilty about it later. Luke was almost asleep when he looked up at me.

"I love you, Luke." I said.

"I know, Mama." he replied.

"Do you love me?" I asked.

He closed his eyes and whispered, "Nope."

Miscommunication (and a Brantley-ism)

I went to the local grocery store yesterday, where shopping is a pleasure. Smiling faces greeted me everywhere I turned. However, as I was checking out, I noticed my groceries being bagged by an unfriendly individual. As luck would have it, she had bagged my groceries the last three times I was there, and every time she had refused to speak to me. She had been standing two feet away while I made friendly small talk. I had smiled and thanked her for bagging my groceries, and the most I ever got out of her was a half smile. This was unacceptable to me. I considered complaining to the manager, but I never got around to it (read: chickened out).

Here we were again, and this time, I was determined to make her talk to me. Without offering to take out my groceries, she headed out the door with my buggy and my kid. “Perfect,” I thought. She would have to talk to me now. The silence of the stroll to the car would be too awkward to stand. “What a nice day,” I said. “Sure is warm. Are you having a good day?” I said everything I could think of and, as the silence continued, I got angrier. She placed the last bag into my trunk, closed the door with a half smile, and walked away without a word. I was over it. “Unbelievable,” I said aloud. Had the manager been within sight I would have complained, but Luke was tired from shopping and we were all the way to the car. “Next time,” I thought. “He will get an ear full from me.”

Later that day, I went to Verizon Wireless to have some work done on my Blackberry. As I sat on the bench and waited my turn, who should I look up and see, but the same girl from the grocery store. Imagine my amazement when I realized she was communicating with her mom completely in sign language. It turns out that she hadn’t been ignoring me at all, but rather, that she is COMPLETELY DEAF. Woops. This brought deeper meaning to the slogan, “Can you hear me now?”

The highlight of my day came later when I explained the whole ordeal to Brantley. Missing the point, as usual, he responded with, “Why would a deaf person need a cell phone.” Oy.

What had started out as anger had turned into humiliation, guilt and finally laughter thanks to my husband. It had been a full circle day, and thankfully, I had not complained to the manager. There would have been NO coming back from that.

Brantley-isms

• Brantley and I were pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant today, when a morbidly obese individual went strolling in. Brantley ruined his daily Karma with the comment, "How much you wanna bet her eyes AREN'T bigger than her stomach!" All I could do was shake my head.
• This evening while applying Jergens lotion to his sunburn, he exclaimed, "Mmmm. Original cherry almond scent brings back inappropriate adolescent memories."
  TMI, honey.

Chirp, Chirp!

If you're dying to know a little more about me (and you know you are), check out my recent interview on RobinsChicks.com. Thanks, Robin!

Deep Thoughts

As I sat at Zanies Comedy Club tonight, I couldn't help but wonder something. What's up with all the foamy water when you boil a chicken? I'm not saying I'd wash my face with it, but it looks soapy.

Blackbirds Take Two: Financial Rape

On Wednesday I hid out in Luke's playhouse for an hour while I shot at the blackbirds. I came close, but never actually hit them. That afternoon everything got surprisingly quiet. The constant bird traffic ceased and the chirping stopped.

I received a call that evening from Ash Busters saying that they would be late. After inquiring, I was told that they had NOT brought the cages to cover the vents (as I had asked them to when I scheduled our appointment). The guy still came out "to take a look," but I think that was just to appease me.

He came back Thursday afternoon and swept the vent (read: hooked a leaf blower to it and turned it on), finding debris, but no birds. They placed a six dollar cage over the vent, and handed me a bill for $239. I bent over, and wrote them a check. Next time this happens, I think I will invest in my own BB gun and use our own LEAF BLOWER to "sweep" the vent.

Four and Twenty Blackbirds

Last summer we paid around four hundred dollars to have a nest of blackbirds removed from our bathroom exhaust vents. Our goal was to be humane in our eradication efforts, but alas, the baby birds perished. The company that we paid to sweep our vents placed cages over the vents on the outside of the house to prevent their return.

Well, guess who is back? Mama bird, Daddy bird and a nest full of babies. I can’t sit on the toilet without fear of being pooped ON from the exhaust fan above my head. So far, we ARE able to turn on the fans without making a bird smoothie. This wasn’t the case last summer.

We are having the same company come back out tomorrow and do what they call a “sweep” of the vent, but it could be better described as a late term baby-bird abortion. I was interested in taking the humane way out last time, but that was one year and four hundred dollars ago. The gloves are coming off and it doesn’t look good for Mama and Daddy blackbird. I borrowed a BB gun from our neighbor and instructed Brantley not to come back inside until he had a carcass.

I will keep you posted.

Happy Anniversary!

I dropped Brantley off at the dermatologist on Friday, and as he was walking in the door I shouted out the car window. "Hey, good luck with that rash!"

He later explained to me that he is immune to my embarrassment and that the only rash he has is the one resulting from our seven year itch. Ouch!

In a related story, he and I got married seven years ago today, thus beginning the best years of his life.

Happy anniversary to the best husband ever!! Thank you for putting up with my lousy housework, my big mouth, and my constant need to "get my way." Also, thanks for putting up with the way I wait for you around a corner, then jump out and scream in your face to scare you. (Nothing makes me laugh harder than hearing you scream like a girl.) Thanks for constantly giving me material to write about and giving me your blessing to actually put it on the internet. Also, thanks for not getting too mad when I hide the remote on purpose and laugh while you search around the room for it.

I should probably take this opportunity to apologize for writing, "ink poisoning kills" directly on the fruit you take to work in your lunch. That reminds me, thanks for cooking all the time, too. But mostly, thanks for not divorcing me yet. I love you!!!!

Mullet Watch 2010 (with a little Emmagination)

This mullet was spotted in Hoover, AL by a stealthy photographer named Emma Nathews. Armed with only her camera and a Barnes and Noble membership card, she parted a sea of books and took advantage of this photo op. Thank you, Emma!

Also worth noting, this fella was NOT looking at picture books. I know, I was shocked too.

(When Emma isn't stalking her next victim, she's taking amazing and creative photos. Click HERE to see her work.)

Dollas and Sense

Effective immediately, I'm changing the spelling of my last name from "Wescott" to "We$cott," 'cause I'm all about straight cash, yo. I've noticed this trend among young people and I think it's important to stay relevant. You should update your records accordingly.

Making Lemonade

Here is my attempt at making (a shot glass full of) lemonade from the bucket of lemons that was handed to Tennessee over the weekend.
This news clip aired in Nashville during the flood coverage.