David Beckham Sexiest Man! Poppycock

I was driving down the road today when I heard a celebrity news bulletin on the radio. The DJ explained that David Beckham had been named Sexiest Man on the Planet for 2012. "How can this be?" I shouted. "They have not even met my husband. They don't know what they're missing." I knew then and there that it was my job to reach the nations with the glory that is Brantley L. Wescott.

Step 1: (There's only one step, actually.)
Flood the internet with attractive photos of him

Here you see him catching up on some beauty rest. It takes work to look that good, people. Work and face cream. I believe I have made my point (and quite possibly, laid the ground work for him to file for divorce). David Beckham has nothing on my Valentine.