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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Won't You Help?

There's a new plague afflicting the world and more specifically the high seas. I'm sure we have all heard of the recent Somali pirate attacks in the Gulf of Aden. You are probably asking yourself, "self, what on earth could cause an everyday, average Jo, day trading, Sunday school attending, Somali fisherman to snap and start taking over ships?" 

The answer is scurvy. That's right. The disease once thought to be eradicated with the consumption of a citrus fruit is back in full force.Every year dozens, literally dozens, of pirates are afflicted with scurvy. With symptoms from fatigue to spongy gums it's no wonder these men snap and develop a taste for eye patches and gold.

With your help we can once again eradicate this disease. By sponsoring a pirate you will not only be sending him a fruit basket but you will also be bettering his life forever.

If you wish, you may even receive a handwritten letter from your pirate (legibility is not guaranteed). The following is an actual letter sent from a pirate to his sponsor:"Are you a woman? I haven't seen a woman in months. Thanks for the f*@#ing fruit basket."

So please, sponsor a pirate today and start receiving inspirational letters of gratitude such as this. Together we can help fight scurvy.